Lois Greaves Nielsen - My Other Mom

"Mom" looking on after the Wedding 
Ceremony of Carlton & Cathy Christensen

I first met Lois Nielsen when I arrived at her home to pick up her daughter Cathleen in what was a "blind date" on February 10, 1990 at their home in Layton, Utah.  When I came into their home, I noticed nearly an entire wall filled with pictures.  I was amazed at the quantity, and replied, "Do all these people belong to you, or did you just keep the inserts that came with the frames?"  I think we hit it off from there.  What I didn't realize that evening, is what a profound impact she would have on my life and my family.  I often amazed at the joy she garners from the simplicities in life and the satisfaction of some of the more basic elements in her life.  Early on in our marriage, Lois and her husband Frank Nielsen allowed me to call them "Mom and Dad" respectively.  Sixteen years after the passing of my last parent, she remains the only living grandparent to our children and I am grateful for the continued influence she has upon our family.

Mom was born to William Lloyd and Olive Hill Greaves.  Born in the middle of her family, her father worked for much of his career at the printing presses of the Deseret News and her mother, later for Bennet Paint.  They raised their family in a modest home located on West Temple in what is now known as South Salt Lake.  They were faithful members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and served in a variety of ways in the Church, helping family and helping neighbors.

Lois is on the far right, middle row

Mom married Franklin Harvey Nielsen at the age of 19.  Their married life started up near Dad's family farm located in Marion, Summit County, Utah.  There were many challenging days as they raised their family.  They moved often to find good employment and their entertainment of the family often came from within the family and their conversations.  Even today, once the Nielsen Family gets going, unless it is a topic you want to engage with, you should have a project you can go and do.  There is no stopping them!  Their frequent relocation, often living in cities where they didn't own their home, certainly could have created instability, but they both did an amazing job in keeping their family together and making the best of what life provided.

Frank and Lois on their wedding day

When Frank & Lois finally secured a home on Camelot Drive in Layton, it became in part, their castle where they did the best to provide for their family.  Music was an integral part of raising their family and each child grew up singing together and sharing their talents.  While spouses have joined their musical groups from time to time, my participation is still pending.  Apparently singing on-key, is a requirement!  Dad in his later years became disabled.  A crippling disease that took its toll on his large frame, left him bent over and unable to get around without canes and a mobility cart.  It left Mom as the primary provider as she returned back to work and ultimately left her as a widow at a much earlier age than I am sure she anticipated.

Like any of us, their marriage while not perfect, was perfect in love.  As they progressed in life, they like the rest of us found forgiveness and kindness.  Honesty was always a staple of their life and they accepted the consequence of any mistakes.  They moved forward the best they could and just wanted happiness and love for their family.  I have seen Mom sacrifice much to have her children succeed.  She is not one for having a lot of physical possessions.  I imagine one day at her passing, you could really go through her personal belongings in less than a couple of hours.  Where her wealth lies, is in the conversations, the quilts, the bears and the baby blankets she makes for others. As one who has great faith with a focus on family, you frequently find her praying for her children and grandchildren. 

 

On a family vacation to Nauvoo, IL, mom agreed
to go horseback riding with Carlton's family.

Mom, a diligent student of the gospel of Jesus Christ, always wanted to visit Nauvoo, Illinois, an early settlement location for members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  In 2004, Mom joined our young family and we visited it and other locations in Missouri.  It just so happened that my eldest brother Elliott was also there with his family, affording us some joint opportunities to be together.  One afternoon, they suggested we join them for a 2 hour horseback ride around the adjoining countryside.  It had been a few years since Mom had been on a horse, but in her usual, let's give it a try attitude and the help of a set of stairs, went for a ride.  We have loved her interactions with our family and it doesn't take much for me when projects need to be done around her home, to engage my daughters Jessica and Sarah.  They will do anything for Grandma.

In her acts of service, Mom makes stuffed bears for children.  She was looking for a home for them and I suggested the Police Department for the Utah Transit Authority  might could use them.  It's fair to say they are heavily subscribed to and officers use them to share with little children they encounter in the course of their service.  Mom has never been one to seek attention or need acknowledgement, but this year, after the need for isolation, we decided she needed a few people to wish her Happy Birthday.  Last May, when she turned 82, the UTA police were kind enough to pay her a visit.  I kept it a surprise and it definitely made her day.  

I am often getting in trouble with Mom, when I do projects around her house.  She thinks I spend too much, but I think I don't do enough.  I have such gratitude for the goodness of this wonderful woman who has allowed me to be part of her life.  I am grateful for the impact she has had in her family and upon mine.  I am the direct benefactor of her youngest daughter Cathy, our children Jessica and Sarah and most importantly her testimony of faith and fortitude.  I am grateful to have two moms in my life.

 

Happy Birthday Clayton - My life was blessed the day you were born!

I have had this picture on my cell phone lock screen since the day my brother Clayton passed away.  I cropped it out of a picture with my brothers from a trip we took in 2016.  We spent a week going up the coast of Maine and a day out on a sailing yacht in Camden Bay.  I keep thinking it is time to change it, but decided that day might be today, April 6, 2020.  This would have been my Brother Clayton's 68th Birthday.  It has been a crazy few months since he passed away.  We had two other deaths in the family, in the midst of a worldwide pandemic and locally, in Salt Lake, we also had an earthquake.  One bright spot would be the fact that Clayton would appreciate how the United States has had to become dependent on online learning both in K-12 and in Higher Education.  Clayton often took grief through the years from other academic scholars that there must be some level of satisfaction to see the world dependent on it in order to continue student education.

Saturday's mention of Clayton by Elder Neil L. Andersen of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was also a reminder of how much Clayton loved the gospel of Jesus Christ and his most favorite work, sharing the gospel with others.  It also demonstrates how his testimony continues to bless the Church in numerous ways.

While our parents had us at opposite ends of the family, I was always grateful how Clayton looked out for me and was desirous to have me succeed.  Clayton's sacrifices on my behalf were many and I can honestly point to numerous times, when Clayton's example of love and kindness has helped me to succeed.  Early on, I just wanted to follow Clayton's pathway, but it became apparent that it would be nearly impossible to follow.  I was OK with modest outcomes but I was always touched when Clayton called me after a visit to Utah and indicated how someone had introduced him as Carlton's brother.  While those were few and far between, it was always kind of him to call.

Clayton's marriage to Christine Quinn had a profound impact on our family.  They were an amazing partnership of kindness and courtesy that were the consummate example for my wife and me to follow.  There were never modest dinners in their home and Christine continues to be an important part of our family.  This last January on the week after New Years, when my brother Spencer and I spent a week in Boston caring for my brother, I was reminded of how dedicated Christine was to his physical ability to function.  Christine worked long and hard in hopes of Clayton living and skirting past death one more time.  I can't imagine anything she could have done differently and in many ways, couldn't think of his living during this current pandemic with a compromised immune system.

Clayton's ease of comfort, weather it be with national or international leaders, or the person down the street, he always made them feel the same.  Everyone felt valued by him and some of the most touching things following his death are the numerous times individuals have conveyed their interactions with him and how important he made them feel.  Some might be expected, but most were not.

Clayton was always instrumental in the gathering of our family.  Whether it was General Conference times where we gathered for Priesthood Meeting or family vacations, including a week on an Alaskan Cruise.  It was Clayton and Christine's kindness that enabled those gatherings to happen and they continue to be wonderful memories for all of us.

My family was one of modest means.  We learned much from both our parents and learned how to have fun through some very simple activities.  That notion of getting hands dirty and just doing what it takes to get the job done, working with our children and not being afraid to try something new.  That value or understanding that each experience is a privilege and not a right and we should never stop trying to understand how something might be done better.

Today, I may change my lock screen and wallpaper from pictures those with Clayton, but I don't think I will every delete his contact.  My hope is that Clayton might still call one day, tell me what he is doing and which really cool people he met.  Happy Birthday dearest brother, and thanks for being such a great example.

Big Red - the yellow wagon

Father's Day 2014 - Jessica and Sarah take Dad for a ride

Many of you know that my brother Brad runs a nursery, Deseret Nursery and as part of it, has a lot of garden carts for customers use while they purchase plants.  One particular time, Brad purchased a very large cart, yellow in color, but named it Big Red.  While he decided early that it was too big, some of his customers were drawn to the name because if you know my brother, the fact that a yellow cart was named Big Red, is not an unusual thing for him to do!  Well Cathy and I decided to purchase the cart from him and keep it at our home.

In our initial year of use, I was drawn to the size of it, and having been decades since being pulled in a wagon, asked my girls to take me for a ride around the neighborhood for Father's Day.   It was a lovely experience.  Later, for our Stake Youth Conference, we used it to haul food and other items, since the distance to the parking lot at the camp site was a little longer than most would want to carry.

In the years that would follow, we used it to haul wood around the yard, leaf bags for recycling and other uses as they came along.  It worked well, with one exception in that it seemed like one of the tires was always going flat on me.  I did purchase replacement tires from the original seller, Growers Supply.  They were $30 a pop, and would work fine until another would go flat on me.  I tried the green slime, even tried to pull the tube out once but always a pain and a tire would be flat when I really needed it.  This year after a service project at my Church's recreation property, it picked up some goat-heads and alas one of the tires went flat on me again.  I was about to order a new tire, when the thought of going with a flat free tire resonated.  I knew I would most likely have to replace at least a pair at a time, and looked everywhere for them, including from the original seller.  

Then a few weeks ago, I came across a web site, ZORO.com. After many measurements, thought I had the nearly perfect match, they were 2" smaller in diameter, but same width. This created the need to replace all four wheels, but in the end a good investment.  They came very timely, looked great and when I went to put them on, realized the axial width I measured was for the width of wheel, leaving no room at the end for a cotter pin to secure the wheel.

I called the company to explore options and was set to call back the next day to talk with their product reps, when an idea came that since the axial was fixed, could I weld something on the end to hold the wheel on.  Since they were flat free, I didn't really need to take them off again.  I'm not a welder, but in exploring the option with friends, even briefly thinking of purchasing a welder, I went to "the top of the mountain" to ask the genius of our neighborhood, Martin Baker.  Martin knows everything, has fixed items I could never imagine being repaired and has tools that even I don't own.  I was going to an evening community meeting and he agreed to solve my dilemma. Martin drilled a hole in the center of the axial, tapped it for threads and then put in a bolt with washers.  It worked perfectly!  By the end of my community meeting, Martin had all four wheels connected.  He even fixed a cotter pin issue in the handle for me.  No finer man exists, I'm always indebted to Martin Baker!

I brought Big Red home last night and the yellow wagon is ready for the next job around Christensen Acres.  I sometimes demonstrate my pride in my projects at completion by assimilating myself to Sparticus, but alas, even Sparticus has limits and everyone needs a Martin Baker in their life.

Making sure you're following the right Measurements in your life!

Christensen Acres Weather Station

A few years ago, while going through Costco, I came across a weather station and decided to purchase it and then gave it to my family to give to me for Christmas!  I later linked it to the internet, and if you Google "Christensen Acres" you can get live weather data straight from my backyard!  It was a fun novelty to me and occasionally added entertainment during a boring meeting.  As a year or so progressed, we added our Solar System and it helped to link the weather station to it.  I initially attached it to the roof of our backyard playhouse, but found it was too close to the shingles in a heavy snow storm and in the summer, picked up the heat from the asphalt shingles giving me artificially high temperatures during the summer.  I placed it up higher to get away from the shingles, and it helped, but finally decided to attach it to the north end of a bench swing we had, that would move it away from the high heat, looked better in the placement and put it up high enough to get better wind readings as well.

Last May, we decided to update our 65 year old Sprinkler system with automated valves.  I purchased a Rachio 3 Smart controller and it had an option to link it weather stations, including just mine, which I was really excited about.  The Rachio controller worked great.  It monitors the temperature, adjusts watering schedules accordingly, if it's windy, skips that night, etc.  I just had one problem that I didn't fully appreciate until I received my first water bill, anticipating doing better than last year.  It was much higher than historical levels.  I wondered if I had done something wrong, then realized that I had noticed my weather station reading much higher temperatures than surrounding systems.  I first brushed it off, thinking that only I really used that data, but suddenly realized that it's accuracy had a direct impact on other things in my life!  The weather station had a problem with keeping ambient air temperatures controlled and those high temperatures were giving false readings to other systems. I decided to replace my weather station with a more robust system that had two solar panels, giving it more flexibility in controlling ambient temperatures and more accurate readings.  I compare it periodically to other friends stations in the area to make sure that I'm in line with theirs as well.

Christensen Acres weather Station (in the circle) compared
to surrounding stations

Obviously geography (proximity to the Jordan River) and placement affect variations in readings, but usually I'm in the same ballpark now.  My hope obviously is that this summer's watering accuracy will be much better than last year!

This has caused me to think a lot about how so often we find ourselves in places or circumstances where we shouldn't be.  Are there aspects of our lives and the measurements we follow simply leading us in a direction we might later regret?  Is it a wonder we are where we are, if the measurements we use aren't the correct ones, much like my old weather station?  My brother Clayton, wrote a great book a number of years ago, "How Will You Measure Your Life" that was on the NY Times best sellers list that has some great thoughts on the subject.  More importantly however, will be an opportunity on the first weekend in April and then later on the first weekend in October, when we will hear from prophets of God.  These are the times for the General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.    You will hear loving teachings of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Receive instructions that will give one guidance as they contemplate and get through the challenges of this life.  They are not messages of fear, but of hope. They are not messages that constrain, but rather free me to know where I will truly find happiness.  How grateful I am that my Heavenly Father didn't leave me to figure it out entirely on my own.  While he gave me choices, he also has given me guidance to help me know for myself the direction he wants me to go.  I hope you will join me in listening or watching through multiple options.  It's the right weather station for this life!

Power of the 90 Gallon Garbage Can - Taking the frustration and making it a success

Salt Lake City changed its neighborhood cleanup this last
summer and some didn't get the message.  Looked at this for
months - Note the overflowing small can

I served on the Salt Lake City Council for 16 years, and each of those years, discussed the garbage fees charged to residents in the city.  A number of years ago, the city added smaller garbage cans to allow homeowners the opportunity to not have the full size 90 gallon can.  For many, the logistics were easier, since they didn't really fill the larger can.  Staff made the arguments that if people had the smaller can, they would recycle more.  In fact pricing favored the smaller cans as an incentive for people to switch, which in their theory would cause them to recycle more.

I believe in recycling, often that can is full and I take advantage of neighbors cans to make sure all my cardboard gets out.  However year after year, I made the argument that in the pricing, there is a fixed cost to collection, regardless of the size of the can and the weight potential should be the variable pricing.  However for many of those years, the 90 gallon can took the bulk of the pricing as an incentive to shift.  I often made the argument that if you shifted the bulk of people over, then the  cost would have to be made up in the smaller cans and that would be a big shift for many of those users after they had been shifted to the smaller cans.  I always lost out in the discussion, and in the scope of life, if you have to take a loss, that's one I can handle.

Salt Lake City Garbage Can Fee Schedule

More often than not, I see users of small cans with overflowing garbage, which in reality isn't much less than what I typically put in my 90 gallon can, yet I pay more.  Then came last summer.  Salt Lake City changed its neighborhood cleanup methods.  It's fair to say, the new method got off to a poor start, leaving many garbage piles through the neighborhood for much of the summer.  I tried myself to schedule a time, but it was out months, and on top if that, my truck wasn't running and I didn't have an easy way to haul things off to the dump.  I decided to exercise the power of the 90 gallon garbage can!

I had renovated my back yard, installing new new pathways with pavers.  I had trimmed back trees, including removing an apple tree for a neighbor and discovered that if I cut things up in smaller pieces and placed them in my brown or green waste cans or systematically placed discarded items in the 90 gallon can, they went away!  In fact, I had a quest last summer to see if I could avoid personally going to the dump and take full advantage of my 90 gallon can.  Just last week, I threw away a chair and a small cupboard that was introduced to my mallet.  I am always careful to not make it too heavy, but if it fit in my 90 gallon can, it was as good as gone.  I ended up last year, not ever using the neighborhood cleanup or making a trip to the dump for personal needs, yet it's fair to say, I threw a number of things away.

While I am not sure the pricing is still equitable, I've learned to live with the disparity and with my new found success of disposal simply say, "Power to the 90 gallon can!"

Playhouse has new siding and the girls have grown up!

Years ago, with the help of my brother-in-law Bill Nielsen, we built
this playhouse for our girls.  We recently put on vinyl siding to
improve the looks and help preserve it

We have been working super hard this last month doing improvements to our backyard that we've wanted to do for a while, motivated by our hosting a dinner gathering for some friends and their recent finalization of their adoption of a wonderful little boy.  It was one of those things, where one project led to another and then to another and a few thousand dollars into it, we have added some wonderful features to our backyard.  One of those improvements was the siding of our girls playhouse, which was originally built out of wafer board, and painted.  The years had taken it's toll on both the paint and the wood, but we not only wanted to keep it, but also have a place that one day our grandchildren could come and play.  We originally built it, so that at 6'10" I come come to "dinner" or visit my girls without having to bend my head.  It proved to be a wonderful gathering place for multiple girls, giving each of them their space to play.  Our oldest now teaches elementary school and is looking for her first home, our youngest is a semester or so away from her associates degree at a local college.  Memories we seem to be able to hold in the context of their time, but everything else tends to grow, which is a good thing.

Today, which is Father's day, is also the 7th anniversary of the beginning of my blog.    My first blog was about my feelings as a father and while I didn't know if anyone would read my blog, I have been pleasantly surprised at the results.  That first blog, continues to find its way into my top 10 blogs from time time, reminding me that there are other dads who may a feel the same inadequacy as a father as we struggle to do our best.

I have also been interested to see that the most widely read blogs are about family, mine in particular.  I didn't really start it out that way, but I have on occasion written about the people who mean the most to me.  Of particular note, is the fact that one of the pieces I wrote about my wife on Mother's Day has become the most popular. 

While most of my audience is from the United States, it has reminded me that the questions or thoughts I have, may have interest elsewhere. In the end, I mostly write for myself.  I am grateful that others are interested.  It has given me an outlet to share thoughts and impressions and even on occasion pass along my review of a local business or something I thought was interesting or helpful.  Carlton's Corner always has a place for my girls to come back to, whether or not it's in the playhouse!  I am very fortunate to be their father and the wonderful blessing they have been in my life.  Thank you to those who take the time to read on occasion and whether I know you or will get to know you, you have also blessed and made my life better.

Big Guys with Ties - Keeping it together

Solution not even imagined by the manufacturer!

Ok, I've written about some pretty strange things, but none quite so personal and challenging as my ties! When your are tall like me (6'10") and a pretty long torso, it's hard to keep my front and back part of my ties together.  I wear a suit at least five days a week.  On top of that I speak to different congregations weekly as Stake President of the Salt Lake Rose Park Stake in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or speak in my role as Regional Development Director for Salt Lake County and its always embarrassing to look down and find my tie going two different directions. I think after 40 years of wearing a tie, I finally found a solution that I don't think was in the minds of the manufacture, 3M when they marketed the product.

The problem you have at my height, is that the back part of the tie, doesn't go long enough to match up with anything that can hold it.  I've tried tape, both regular and double stick - doesn't hold.  I've had well meaning friends give me tie clips, but if you placed them where you would need them they would be two inches below the tie knot.  I had some ties custom made abroad, but very expensive and frankly didn't hold up well.  Those ties they sell in Men's clothing stores that say "extra long", well maybe if you're 5'8", but not for real tall men.  Silly as it sounds, those "extra long ties" are the ones that are just leaving me 3" to 4" on the backside when tied.

A few months ago, my wife Cathy purchased for me four different kinds of Velcro tabs or dots.  Some were super heavy duty and while they stayed on the tie permanently, they were also nearly impossible to line up afterwards and usually took three or four times to tie them to come close.  Made it very difficult to untie the tie because you had to work around the Velcro surfaces.  And if you pulled them off, left a very sticky mess.  But they did hold the tie together.

Demonstration on how the Velcro dots hold the
tie together

Then I tried the Scotch Create Fastener Dots.  They are fairly inexpensive, and do hold to the clothing.  However the beauty is they come off fairly easily if I just peel them off the tie with little or no residue.  I realized for the small cost and constant frustration of trying to line up the more robust Velcro dots, that I could just place these dots on for the day, it held my tie together and at the end of the day, I just peeled them off and threw them away and untied my tie like I normally do.  My days are often 14 hour days and they stay together most of the time without any extra effort on my part.  At age 52, can I tell you how liberating this was to me!  How normal it made me feel and most importantly how I didn't have to cover up for my tie becoming like an upside down V when talking to a crowd or just a co-worker.  I'm sure they are available in craft stores, if they were smart, a big and tall store, but save yourself the time and get them on Amazon.com and have it shipped to you in two days.  Now it doesn't solve the myriad of problems in the rest of my life but for now, my ties are keeping it together!